Why I Disappeared

My last post was at the beginning of November and I have been gone ever since. I have been asked by at least one if the blog was dead? No, I am not giving up on the blog. Life has happened in some horrible ways and I haven’t been able to write. I don’t know exactly where the blog is going but I know that I am not done.

Computer failure

My relatively new computer had been giving trouble for some time. After the last post, it had gotten worse. My husband, my personal IT expert, spent some time on the phone with HP tech support. They decided that the computer was toast and it was time to send it in for repair. It got packed up and shipped off to HP for repair. It came back repaired a few days shy of 4 weeks later. They fixed the problem. But, to do so, they needed to replace the hard drive and motherboard. They couldn’t save any of my data. Fortunately, I had saved the critically important things to the Cloud before shipping it off. I had a brand-new computer and needed to rebuild it. Some things I could do, others my husband needed to do for me. It took time. While it wasn’t on paper, I was writing a Christmas post in my head while rebuilding the computer. I wanted to do a Christmas post and then life fell apart.

Christmas Grief

My husband is an IT professional. Some days, he works from his office; others he works from home. The Friday before Christmas, he was working from home. I am very thankful that he was at home. We both received the news at the same time. Two of our friends had been murdered the night before. Now, almost a month later, we know few details. It was shocking and surreal. They were murdered by their next-door neighbor on his side of the fence. We don’t know why they were on his property. They didn’t live in the crime-infested inner city. They lived on 10 acres in rural south Texas. They were a young married couple, 29 and 27. They left behind two children, 6 and 8. He was an oilfield worker. She loved horses and dogs. They loved Jesus. They were our friends. We shared good times and bad with them. In 2016, they and another couple shared Thanksgiving dinner at our home. The relationship was far from perfect; we had conflict. But we called them friends. And now they are gone.

 

The grief was and is intense and personal. I have not been able to write publicly. I have been writing in my journal; it helps to process things. But those writings are never to be shared. It is between Jesus and me.  I am part of a private Facebook writing group. In the last week, I have slowly started writing again. I have not wanted to share on the blog. I felt that the writing would either be unfiltered raw emotions or pat Christian platitudes – neither of which is appropriate in my opinion. So, I have been silent and disappeared. Was it the best way, heck if I know? I have never had friends murdered before. We are processing and dealing with the emotions in a healthy manner.

 

I do want to continue to write. I do want to continue this blog. I am in a new and different place that I don’t understand. Please be patient with me as I share what I can.

9 thoughts on “Why I Disappeared

  1. Gillian Andrews

    What a lovely heart-felt post of your sad journey. Of course we’ll be patient. I’m so glad that you are journaling your process. Writing it makes us stronger as we put what is happening to us into words. God Bless.

    Reply
  2. Nancy Broadley

    Oh my writing friend. Thank you for you being the loving, faith filled woman that you are. <3 You have been through some tough times and my heart is with you. This is your writing..your story…so take your time and know..your blog will be there when ever you decide to pick it back up…and we your readers will be waiting as well.

    Reply
  3. Carole Miller

    Hi Mary – understandable. Will enjoy hearing from you again when the time is right.

    Love and prayers Carole

    Reply
  4. teresa rodriguez

    Mary,
    No words can express the sorrow I feel for you at this time. I was wondering what had happened to you as I so looked forward to your blog. I know at this time you need to go into your inner cell and just be, and that is understandable. Our Lord is with and so am I and I am sure others who have enjoyed and connected with your blog. May God Give you Peace and understanding, Wisdom, but most of all Love.
    Peace, Love , Joy, and Hope,
    Your sister in Christ and sister from IWHS
    Teresa

    Reply
  5. John Daub

    Mary – much love and hugs to you and the husband. Given the background from which we know each other, if there’s any way I can help, just drop me a line.

    Reply

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