Category Archives: Love

Why I Disappeared

My last post was at the beginning of November and I have been gone ever since. I have been asked by at least one if the blog was dead? No, I am not giving up on the blog. Life has happened in some horrible ways and I haven’t been able to write. I don’t know exactly where the blog is going but I know that I am not done.

Computer failure

My relatively new computer had been giving trouble for some time. After the last post, it had gotten worse. My husband, my personal IT expert, spent some time on the phone with HP tech support. They decided that the computer was toast and it was time to send it in for repair. It got packed up and shipped off to HP for repair. It came back repaired a few days shy of 4 weeks later. They fixed the problem. But, to do so, they needed to replace the hard drive and motherboard. They couldn’t save any of my data. Fortunately, I had saved the critically important things to the Cloud before shipping it off. I had a brand-new computer and needed to rebuild it. Some things I could do, others my husband needed to do for me. It took time. While it wasn’t on paper, I was writing a Christmas post in my head while rebuilding the computer. I wanted to do a Christmas post and then life fell apart.

Christmas Grief

My husband is an IT professional. Some days, he works from his office; others he works from home. The Friday before Christmas, he was working from home. I am very thankful that he was at home. We both received the news at the same time. Two of our friends had been murdered the night before. Now, almost a month later, we know few details. It was shocking and surreal. They were murdered by their next-door neighbor on his side of the fence. We don’t know why they were on his property. They didn’t live in the crime-infested inner city. They lived on 10 acres in rural south Texas. They were a young married couple, 29 and 27. They left behind two children, 6 and 8. He was an oilfield worker. She loved horses and dogs. They loved Jesus. They were our friends. We shared good times and bad with them. In 2016, they and another couple shared Thanksgiving dinner at our home. The relationship was far from perfect; we had conflict. But we called them friends. And now they are gone.


The grief was and is intense and personal. I have not been able to write publicly. I have been writing in my journal; it helps to process things. But those writings are never to be shared. It is between Jesus and me.  I am part of a private Facebook writing group. In the last week, I have slowly started writing again. I have not wanted to share on the blog. I felt that the writing would either be unfiltered raw emotions or pat Christian platitudes – neither of which is appropriate in my opinion. So, I have been silent and disappeared. Was it the best way, heck if I know? I have never had friends murdered before. We are processing and dealing with the emotions in a healthy manner.


I do want to continue to write. I do want to continue this blog. I am in a new and different place that I don’t understand. Please be patient with me as I share what I can.

Birthday celebration!

Today is my sister’s birthday. Birthdays are special but hers are especially so. You see, she almost died in July 2003. This week after the Sutherland Springs shooting, her birthday is even more poignant to me.

I have this photo hanging on my hallway wall.

I am 22 months older than she is; I don’t remember not having her in my life. We didn’t get along as children. Our interests and talents are different. We understand that now. As children, we didn’t and it caused conflict. We shared a room until I was 13 and she was 11, When our family moved to the last house before our dad retired from the Marine Corp, they bought a bigger house. Peace then reigned. As teenagers, I remember that I knew she was always there for me even if we were very different.

As adults, we drifted apart. Nothing had happened to cause it. It was just the normal cares of life that take up time-family, jobs and living on opposite sides of the city. We were given the opportunity to reconnect and strengthen our bond.

That happened because of  the fateful call came one afternoon in July 2003.  Jane was a real estate agent at a Century 21 office in San Antonio.  My mother called in tears that there had been a shooting at Century 21. Jane had been shot and had been airlifted to University Hospital. At this point, we did not have any details. Mom said to get to the hospital as fast as possible.

My husband came home from work and picked me up. So many things were in a blur that day. We passed the site of the shooting on the drive to the hospital. Hours later there was still a flurry of law enforcement personnel there and the traffic was horrible. When we arrived at the hospital, the media presence was unbelievable. Since they didn’t know who I was, we walked through unscathed. The medical staff escorted us to the surgery waiting room.  There were already many family and friends there. My mother dissolved in tears into my arms. My father had died suddenly many years prior. My mother sobbed that she could not bear to lose her daughter too. She explained that my sister had been shot point blank in her right temple with a 357 Magnum. She needed delicate brain surgery to survive.

She wiped her eyes, gained a bit of control and told me the story of the first of many miracles. University did not have a neurosurgeon on staff at the time. They had one on “loan” from the military. He wasn’t on “loan”, he was sent on a Godly mission to save my sister’s life. He asked my mother if she believed in God. My mother, a devout Catholic, said yes. The doctor explained that he was a Morman and believed in God too. He said that he wasn’t God but that God used his hands. He successfully performed the surgery. A few months later, the military deployed him overseas.

Over the next few months of recovery, there were many more surgeries. Her rehab was intense. She had to relearn many skills. Some came back. Others she will never regain this side of heaven. She is permanently disabled. But God healed her brain. Her personality changed a bit. in some ways, she is more loving and caring than before. I do know that she loves the Lord in a way that she didn’t before the shooting.  God is real in her life now. She talks about the faithfulness and love of her heavenly Father.

God was gracious and returned to her a talent that should have been lost with the extent of her injuries. My sister has been a beautifully skilled artist since she was a child.  She could create paintings and drawings that would take your breath away. She was a skill commercial artist in the days when all drawings were done by hand. Her artistic style changed with the shooting. But now, her art is used for the glory of God and the healing of others.

This painting is near my desk.

There is so much more  I could say about Jane but it would take several more posts! She is my hero. I love her. I am blessed to have her as my sister. On her birthday, I wanted you, my readers, to meet her too.

Check out this link, it tells more about her story. There is a video of her telling about the large version of the painting near my desk. There are three 4 ft square paintings hanging at the University Hospital. They are there to bring hope and healing.

Happy Birthday, Jane! I love you!


Sutherland Springs

Sutherland Springs is a place that few knew existed until yesterday. On Sunday morning, it was a small Podunk town in the middle of nowhere. By Sunday afternoon everyone in the nation knew about Sutherland Springs.

I am one of the few that knew about it before yesterday. It is about a 45-minute drive from my home. I have been to that church and met those people. A friend is in the hospital in critical condition. He was shot 4 times.

It was probably late spring when we visited Dave’s church. I had never met Dave; he is a friend of my husband’s. They were both going to the same men’s Bible study. My husband had recently started attending the group. It was not sponsored by any church. It was a handful of men who met weekly for dinner, fellowship, Bible study, and prayer. Every week, I would make them a homemade dessert to top off their dinner. Dave dubbed me the “dessert lady.”

Dave’s daughter was getting baptized and he invited his group of guy friends from the Bible study to come witness the celebration. Then we were all invited to his home for a huge BBQ. My husband wanted to go so I went too. I wanted to meet the men that my husband prayed with and I cooked for.

That morning we went to Sunday school at our church and then drove out to Sutherland Springs for their service at 11:00. When we walked into the church, I was surprised at the size. I am guessing that if every single pew was filled, the church would hold 75 people. There were about 60 people attending that day; they mentioned that there were more than usual because of the baptism.

I remember it being hot and the pews were uncomfortable. The preaching was not my style. But, there was no doubt that the handful of people loved the Lord. There was excitement and joy as the elementary age girl stood before the congregation. The pastor asked her if she understood what baptism meant. He said that he usually didn’t like to baptize children this young but was confident that she knew what she was doing. He baptized her. There were smiles and hugs and the service ended. We went to Dave’s home for a delicious BBQ meal.

The memory never crossed my mind until yesterday. I heard a God whisper yesterday morning that I didn’t understand until later. The gentleman that led the Bible study has taken a break for a season. Dave has started his own group but it is too far for my husband to attend. The God whisper was a thought. Hmm, I wonder how Dave is doing. Husband has not said anything about him lately. I stopped and said a 2-second prayer for Dave. I didn’t think about it until a few hours later.

Several families went out to eat lunch after church. There was a television playing quietly in the background but not causing a distraction. We had just finished ordering our meals when my husband got a text message. The message stated that Dave had been shot.  Almost as if the text was a cue, the television started talking about the shooting. We finished our meal and came home in shock.

We both sat in front of our computers watching the news reports and social media. Sutherland Springs is very small. My city is close enough that people come here for shopping, medical needs, and schools. We are a city of 30 thousand. We are still a small town. If you don’t personally know someone affected, you have a friend that does. It has rocked our community. But the news is spotty. We don’t know anything more than you know.

What we know about Dave is that he was shot 4 times. He is hospitalized in San Antonio. He survived the surgery and is in critical condition. We have heard conflicting reports; some say his daughters were not there others say they were but are safe. We don’t know.

A few months ago, a Pastor welcomed me into his church. I shook his hand and told him I liked his Pooh-bear tie. Today I pray for him as he grieves the loss of his daughter and his congregation.

Windows to our lives

Fresh hay bales across the street

This is the view that greeted me the other day when I left the house.  The view was breathtaking. It was picture perfect. The blue sky with clouds floating effortlessly in the air. The trees perfectly angled to the side with hay bales dotting the landscape. The shadow in the road even adds an artistic element. And it was marred with the old, gray metal mailbox in the corner. I could have edited it out but I didn’t. You wouldn’t have known the difference but I would have. The view from my gate would not have been real if I left out the mailbox.

We do this in our lives all the time. We aren’t real, we aren’t authentic. We tell half-truths about ourselves because we don’t want to expose ourselves. Vulnerability is scary. Even with those we love, we hid behind walls and falsehoods. We fear rejection. We fear being exposed.

We do things like show off the beauty or talent in our lives. We hope that is all people will look at.

Lush trees outside my window.

This is the view from our bedroom window. It is gorgeous. It is peaceful and serene. It is inviting and welcoming. This is the view we enjoy showing off.


But if that is all I show you, you think that is what all of my property looks like. If you have never been to my home, you have no idea that our bedroom has two windows.  This is the stuff we hid and hope no one ever finds out. We protect it because it is hurtful, painful or embarrassing.  We all have windows like this.

The septic field behind the house.

We recently had to replace our septic system. Those green circles at the bottom left-hand corner are the access ports for the septic tank. In rural living, a septic system is where all the household waste goes to be processed and decomposed. The waste is decomposed in the tank and the water flows out to the drain field. There is no grass growing now. That whole area had to be excavated and repaired. We haven’t planted new grass seed yet. Once we do, the drain field will have a lush growth of grass year around. It will always have access to life-giving water.

We all have septic systems in our lives. If it is working properly; you never know it is there. It deals with the waste and junk in our lives. And the drain fields of our lives grow verdant grass where sheep can feed.

If it is not working like it should, our lives become smelly and backup with all kinds of pollution. Sometimes we don’t see that we have a problem but those around us can smell it a mile away.

Are you only showing off the “beautiful windows” in your life? We all need those people in our lives that we can be real with. That means sharing the “not perfect” windows in our lives. It leads to healthy relationships and lives that aren’t smelly with pollution.

The truth about beauty


If you read the Biblical account in Genesis, the woman is the last creation God speaks into being. Perhaps it is my imagination but, I believe that women are the pinnacle of God’s creation. Women are more beautiful than the fall forests and flowing streams. They are more beautiful than the spring wildflower or snowcapped mountains. Before the Fall, we were confident in this. Now, for women, our beauty is an area of supreme doubt. I have never encountered a female of any age that truly believes that she is beautiful. Even magazine models feel that they are not enough; they are flawed. We observe it in young girl’s distorted body images. We detect it in the 80-year old women who persist in dying their hair and every age in between. It is endemic in our culture. Women are taught that they are not beautiful. I suspect that each of us if we were truthful, have struggled not feeling beautiful. I know that I have.

While I still fall into the lie that I am not beautiful. I know it is a distortion; an untruth. Several years ago, God spoke to my heart through an obscure verse in Psalms. It is speaking about a royal wedding but he used it to show me what he thinks about my beauty.

10Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say.

Forget your people and your family far away.

11For your royal husband delights in your beauty     

Psalm 45:10-11 NLT

He said,” Daughter, pay careful attention, this is important.” “Forget about what culture says about beauty, delight in your beauty” He sees me as beautiful! If only I could remember that every day.

What about you? Do you struggle to believe that you are beautiful? If you do, you are not alone. Our culture does nothing to encourage us in this area. It only demeans us. It makes us feel less than and not acceptable. But that is not the way your heavenly Father sees you. You are beautiful.


Seek God not the miracles


Ah, Lord GOD!
It is you who have made the heavens and the earth
by your great power
by your outstretched arm!
Nothing is too hard for you.
Jeremiah 32:17 ESV


I wrote this last week but have waited to post it on the blog. This morning on the way to the grocery store, I realized why. This is a cool story about a miracle I witness first hand. But, I don’t want to glorify the miracle. God moved in a miraculous way because of his deep love. It is so easy for us to read stories about a miracle and lose the focus. We need to keep our eyes on the creator of the miracle, not the miracle itself.

There are people who believe that God no longer does miracles. I do not feel this way. I trust that the God of the Bible still does miraculous things in our lives. While we should not base our doctrine on experience; it does have a place. Experiences need to be filtered through the lens of Scripture.

I want to share with you a miracle that I experienced several years ago. While I have told the story numerous times, I have never written it out nor shared it here. My hope is that this story will lead you into a deeper love and awe for our Daddy God.

God shows up and shows off

When I was in my 20’s back in the mid-1980’s, I shared a two bedroom apartment with another teacher. I was a special education teacher and she was a music teacher. We both loved the Lord. Every Friday night we opened our apartment to a group of ladies who were in our age group. We studied the Word, prayed together and ate lots of junk food. It was a time of worship and friendship. We supported each other in the unique time of learning how to be an adult. We all had jobs and lived away from our parents but were unsure about being adults. We became that support system for each other.

There was one lady in our group, I will call her A. that had mild cerebral palsy. She walked with a limp and needed a cane for support. Her left hand was curled in a fist. She had a good job and lived in an apartment. She loved the Lord. By all outward appearances, her life was good. But she was struggling in areas that none of her friends noticed.

One night after dinner, my roommate had this strange look come across her face. She said that she needed to call A. because she was going to kill herself. I normally would have questioned her but I could tell she was serious. I started pacing and praying as she dialed A.’s phone number by memory.

Since this was in the mid-1980’s, we had a corded phone. My roommate sat at the dining room table as I walked ruts into the carpet praying. My roommate was on the phone with A. for about 20 to 30 minutes. What transpired during that time convinced me that God still does miracles. He has a plan and he loves us more than we can imagine.

A. answered the phone quickly. My roommate did not pussyfoot around. She asked her straight out, “Are you planning to kill yourself?” A. let out a gasp, “Yes.” A. went on to explain that she was in bed with her pajamas on. She had a glass of water sitting on her nightstand and was getting ready to swallow a bottle full of pills. She was reaching for the pills to end her life when the phone rang. She answered the phone instead of picking up the pills.


Throughout the conversation, my roommate repeated back to A. everything that she said. She wanted to make sure that she correctly understood everything A. said. She also wanted to let me know what was going on since I was praying. Remember these are the days before speakerphones. We had to do it the old school way.

A.went on to explain that she desperately wanted to get married and have children. She felt that because of her disability no man would ever desire her as a wife. She understood that she had friends and a good job but she wanted a husband. She had convinced herself that it would never happen. She was ready to end her life because she was sure what she feared was going to happen.

I don’t remember what my roommate said to A.. All I know is that the Holy Spirit gave her the wisdom she needed. After about 20 or 30 minutes, A. was calm. She understood that suicide was not the answer to her problems. She was no longer in danger of taking her own life.

My room-mate was praising God that A. had not taken her life. But A. interrupted her with these fateful words, “You don’t understand the whole miracle.” A. went on to explain that when she decided it was time to take her own life, she wanted privacy. She didn’t want any interruptions so she unplugged the phone from the wall. This was the mid-1980’s. There were no such things as cell phones. For phones to function, they had to be plugged into the wall.  She only answered the phone because she was shocked that it rang! She knew it shouldn’t ring because she unplugged it from the wall. My roommate had no way of knowing that the hand of God was connecting our phone to A.’s phone that night.

Where the phone should have been plugged into to work. It wasn’t.

As time went on, I lost track of A.. But my last memory of her was seeing her walk into church with her husband and two children.

What do you think?

I don’t know who I am writing this for you or myself. What I do hope is that you hear the tender whispers of your heavenly Daddy saying, “I love you.”

What is your response to this story? Do you believe that God still does miracles? Have you ever experienced one? Is it hard for you to seek God and not just what He can do for you? I know that it can be for me.



The snake is dead


See what great love the Father has lavished on us,

that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1



My Quiet time

The other day during my quiet time I was thinking that I am God’s child. I was pondering all that could mean for my day. I ended with a prayer that went something like this. Help me to see your love and care for me today because I am your child.


Little did I know the answer would involve a snake!

Both my husband and older daughter were at work. My younger daughter and I were feeding our Great Pyrenees breakfast. She noticed that one of the seven month old puppies had lost her collar.  The two puppies have several places they like to stash their “treasures”. We hoped the collar was there.  We didn’t find the collar and walked back towards the house. Right near the house, we saw a rat snake! (Photos of rat snakes on linked page.)

While rat snakes are not poisonous, their bite can be painful. They are as “good snakes” to have around. Unless, you have chickens. If they get into the chicken coop, they will eat the eggs. We have had a rat snake eat a days’ worth of eggs; 10 or 12 eggs at a time. Our view is a good rat snake is a dead rat snake.

We have lived here 4 ½ years. Every time a snake has appeared my husband has been home to deal with it. That is until this one. I am a Texas ranch girl so I don’t freak out. I am not a lady who screams. I don’t like snakes but if I don’t have to deal with one, I won’t.

So the other day, I had to deal with a snake by myself for the first time. Daughter was in charge of keeping the puppies away from the snake.

7-month-old puppies


 We have a 22 caliber rifle that we load with snake shot. (22 caliber is very small) We keep the rifle in a different location than we keep the ammo. I am a Texas ranch gal and have had firearms training classes. The instructors emphasize that if you ever need to use a firearm your adrenaline will be pumping. You don’t think as clear and your fine motor skills are not as precise.

The instructors were not kidding. I thought I knew where my husband kept the snake shot but I couldn’t find it. I knew that those snakes can move quickly so I didn’t want to waste time looking for the ammo. I did see a sheathed knifed. I figured I could cut off the snake’s head. I grabbed the knife and headed back outside.

By the time I got outside, I realized that this was not a smart idea. The knife had a small blade and I had no idea how sharp it was. It would mean that I would need to get close to the snake’s head. Not good. I had to come up with another plan.

As I walked toward the snake, I saw a cinder block.

The actual cinder block I used.

They are a multi-use tool around the ranch. It was going to have yet another purpose. If you have never picked one up, they are heavy, around 35 lbs. I figured if I dropped it on the snake’s head it would crush it. So I dropped a 35 lbs. cinder block from waist high onto the head of that darn snake. I was feeling pretty good about killing the snake so creatively. But…

The reports of its death were greatly exaggerated. After a minute or so, I picked up the cinder block. The snake was very alive and mad! It had its mouth wide open and was hissing at me. I dropped the cinder block back on the snake. At least it wasn’t moving.

Now I had an angry, trapped snake to kill. The situation was going downhill fast. I had to deal with the snake without my husband’s help. I couldn’t find the ammo for the rifle. It was a bad idea to try to cut its head off. The cinder block idea failed. What to do? But, I wasn’t frightened.

I got another idea. What if I combine the cinder block and the knife ideas? I had the snake’s head pinned under a cinder block so it was not dangerous

I used the knife to cut the snake in two. It was not easy because the blade was dull but it did the job. It was messy but the snake was dead. I disposed of the snake’s body, cleaned up and went back inside. All people, dogs and chickens were safe.

Where is all happened.

After the adrenaline wore off

I thought about my prayer that morning. “Help me to see your love and care for me today because I am your child.”

To be honest, I was not feeling loved and cared for the moment I saw that snake. I am not afraid of snakes but I despise them. I can and do deal with many things on the ranch. But I draw the line at three things: mice, dead chickens and snakes! Another family member needs to deal with them. This time, my husband was not at home to deal with the snake. It was my responsibility. I didn’t feel loved.

I did understand that God was giving me wisdom on how to deal with this. While the story took several paragraphs to tell, in reality it was short from start to finish. I the whole thing happened in under two minutes. I was hyped on adrenaline but I wasn’t frightened. My thoughts were clear and I was in control. An idea would come into my head and then I would reject it and go to the next idea. I felt God’s presence and his support.

I experienced his love and care. I got a hands on example of my Father lovingly helping me through a hard situation. It was a tangible answer to that prayer. I never want to kill another snake. But, living on a ranch, I will probably need to do it again. I now have a memory to hold onto that he was with me. He promises that he will never leave us or forsake us. He was right there with me when I killed that snake. He was there to give me wisdom, love and support as only a Father could.

For me that morning, it was easy to connect his love to my prayer. Most times, I I miss his loving Fatherly gestures to his daughter. I am trying to be more aware of his tender touches.

What about you?

Do you have a memory to hold onto to where he has shown you his love for you?  I would love to hear your stories. Please share them in the comments below.









I am back!

Hello all! I didn’t mean to drop off the face of the earth with no warning.  A lot has been happening that has kept me from posting. I have dealt with bad allergies. Both my car and my husband’s truck have needed repairs. We have had a predator attacking and killing our chickens. We have set traps but can’t catch it. Then we found out that our entire septic system has died and needs to be replaced. We have started the process it but it is slow because of permits and inspections.
While all that was happening, my computer finally bit the dust. It has been giving me issues for several months. But my tech savvy IT guru husband has been able to fix it every time.  Last week, he declared a time of death on the computer and said that there was no way to resurrect it.  Computers were on sale because of the 4th of July holiday. He picked one out that had the specs he was looking for and was in the correct price range. He has been installing all the programs that I use.
My husband is amazing in many ways. I would be lost without his ever present help with computers. I know how to surf the web and use several programs. But, I know nothing about what make a computer work. Because of his patient help, I am able to write this blog and publish a newsletter for a local nonprofit. I get the comments and the praise but without him standing behind me to help, it wouldn’t happen.
I want to give credit where credit is due because without all he has done, I would not be back. Greg, I really appreciate all you have done. You bought me a new computer even though yours has issues too. You took the time after work to get it up and running when you could have been doing other things. I know that a computer is a material possession. But you used it to show me your love.
Thank you and I love you!

I am not a morning person

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:13-14


I am not a morning person. I have never been and probably never will.  However, I am usually the first person awake in the morning. I have planned it that way so I can be awake and social when I interact with my family. I don’t like to talk to people first thing in the morning. I adore my dogs but not when I wake up. I just want to drink my tea (Earl Grey hot) and catch up on mindless tasks on the internet. If the weather is nice, I will sit on my front porch swing while I chase the cobwebs out of my brain.

I bought it when I still drank coffee but the thought is the same with my tea.

It takes my brain between 30 to 45 minutes to wake up enough to be social. My family knows to leave me alone. I try hard not to snap at them. Usually, the things that go through my head if someone wants to talk to me too soon is not what comes out of my mouth.

During this time, I don’t want to be anywhere near my family, my dogs or my God. Yup, you read that right. I don’t want to have anything to do with God when I first get out of bed.

No, there is not hidden sin in my life. No, I am not speaking heresy that I don’t want to communicate with God. I love him and know that he loves me unconditionally.

My natural body rhythms do not allow me to be social first thing in the morning. I am not one of those people who wake up with a song in their heart praising God. I don’t understand that. If I were to think about God in those first few minutes after I wake up, my thoughts would not include praise.  My thoughts would be something like this, ” Go away, I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Well-meaning but misguided teaching

I used to feel bad about this. I thought there was something wrong with me.  I was told that I “should” spend time with God first thing in the morning. I was taught that since Jesus arose early in the morning for prayer, we should too. I felt like such a failure! I thought my relationship with God was flawed and wrong. Did God love me if I wasn’t doing this quiet time stuff right?

God did love me and does love me! He gently helped me to understand that what I was taught was well-meaning but misguided.  He explained that he wanted to spend time with me and he loves me. He created me and knows how I am made.

Yes, you do need to spend time in prayer and in his Word. But the details are up to the two of you. It doesn’t matter what time of day you talk to him in prayer, just do it. It doesn’t matter how long you spend in prayer. Some days your conversations will be long and others much shorter.  Spend time soaking in the Word. It doesn’t matter which version. Find what works for you.


Many nutrition experts say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I eat breakfast every day! But, I do it in a nontraditional way. I eat breakfast somewhere between 9:00 a.m. and 11:00 a.m.  Years ago I gave up trying to eat breakfast in the first 30 minutes of my day. Lots of experts say this is the best way. It doesn’t work well for me. It upsets my stomach to eat that early.

In the same way, I have given up trying to talk to God the first thing in the morning. He didn’t create me to be able to have coherent thoughts right out of bed. My brain and my body needs some warm-up time before they work well. He knows that. I am okay with that because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

What about you?

Are you trying to have your time with God in a way that you were taught to and are finding it is not working? Change it up and try something different. Try a different time of day, location or version of the Bible. God did not create you to be like everyone else. He created you to be you.I would love to hear your thoughts!

Some days the views right before sunrise are beautiful.




The vine, the branches and the computer

I am the vine and you are the branches.
Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit,
for apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5
I have been thinking about this verse lately. It says that apart from him I can do nothing! I can’t breathe, walk, think or anything else. The implications of this are staggering. I have pondered this verse many times. The last few days, He has made it clear to me that I have a long way to go before I understand this verse.

The dying computer

My computer has been dying a slow and painful death for the last few months. My talented IT guru, my husband, recommended that I save anything important to my Google Drive. And wait for it to die. It had symptoms for a long time but was usable until last week.
On Wednesday and Thursday of last week, it was clear that it was fading fast. In those two days, I was able to get it to boot and function once.
On Friday, my husband was able to diagnosis and repair the problem. He explained what was wrong. I didn’t understand it all except that it was big and bad. He had to create me a new profile. This meant that I had to re-create my desktop and sign into a bunch of things.
Early Saturday morning came and the computer worked fine. I started re-creating my computer. I thought the troubles were over. Later, we went out of town for the day so I didn’t touch the computer. Sunday was busy so the computer stayed off.
Monday morning came and I tried to use the computer. It started having the same symptoms as before he fixed the issue. I let him know the issue had returned. Later in the day, he found a disk drive error. He was able to repair it. I am happy to report that the computer has been working perfectly since then.
So with the whole computer disaster, I was without a working computer for about a week. We rely on our computers a lot around here. I found out the hard way how much of my life depends on this silly machine. I can’t tell you how many times I would say to myself, “I can’t do that, it is on the computer.” Even cooking dinner was a pain. We have started storing our recipes on a program called Pepperplate. My husband would have to go to Pepperplate his computer, email me the link and I would pull up the recipe on my phone.

God and computers

Yesterday God and I were talking. He reminded me of the verse in John 15:5. “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” He spoke very so gently and only He can do. He reminded me that I repeatedly said that I couldn’t do anything without my computer. He reminded me that I have lived in a time without computers and done fine so my words were not true. I was only inconvenienced without a computer. Without any hint of anger or condemnation, he asked, “Do you think of me that way?” Do you ever think that you can’t do anything without me?” The truth of his question hit my heart because many times a day I do things in my own strength. I almost never think that apart from him I can do nothing.
While the truth of my own thoughts stung for a moment that is not what I noticed the most. It was the overwhelming sense of His love and grace. I had a glimpsed the majesty of our God and I was in awe.
He is so great, grand and majestic. I got a glimpse of Jesus as he is described in Colossians 1:15-17
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16 For by[f] him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. 17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
He holds everything together so apart from him, I can do nothing.
What about you? I would love to hear your understanding of this verse.